I had a realization lately.  I realize that what I once wanted so badly, no longer matters.  Love.  Not really just love, but the love of one person.  I no longer want the love of that one person.  It has taken me over 16 years to finally accept that.  But, I think I do now.  I can't really say for sure why it took so long.  God knows, there has never been a reason for me to want it.  This man has never given me any real reason to want him or his love.  But a year and a half ago, he made a decision that changed my feelings forever.  He married someone else.  His choice made mine so much more obvious, but not any less difficult.  I wish I had never met this man.  I wish in 1999 when he moved out, he would have stayed out of my life.  I wish I would have allowed him to.  Instead, I chased him for the first few years.  I begged him to come back to us.  I was stupid.  very very stupid.